It’s normal for
kids to feel angry, hurt, guilty, sad, and scared about the future when
they find out that their parents are getting a
divorce. Suddenly you’re faced with all of these questions about where
you’ll be living and who’ll be living with you. Your lifestyle
is about to change forever--pretty scary stuff. It’s also normal for kids
to feel relieved, glad, and really ANY OTHER WAY.
This is okay. All feelings are allowed, okay, and acceptable. Feelings
by themselves are never bad; what you do with those feelings,
though, can be healthy or unhealthy. It’s important for kids to find healthy
outlets for their anger and aggression. Punching pillows
is okay; punching people is not okay. Kicking stuffed animals is okay;
kicking real animals is not okay. Don’t take your anger or
aggression out on other people or on animals. Crying is okay, too. Some
kids find that keeping a private, secret journal that nobody
else will ever read helps them deal with their feelings. Some kids take
up karate or running to deal with their feelings. You can
probably think of many other healthy, positive ways to express your emotions.
Talking with somebody often lessens the pain. You can talk to a parent,
a family friend, a teacher, or anybody else that you enjoy
talking to. It can be difficult to talk at first, but talking sure can
make you feel better. There are also adults out there who are
trained to talk with people about their problems. These people are called
social workers and psychologists. Maybe you can talk
to one of them.
When parents get divorced, it doesn’t mean that they stop being parents
and it definitely DOESN’T MEAN THAT THEY
STOP LOVING THEIR CHILDREN! Even when a parent moves really far away, he
or she is still a kid’s parent! Parents
are still parents when their children are adults. Once you are somebody’s
parent, you are always somebody’s parent. It’s important
to remember that it’s NEVER A CHILD’S FAULT THAT THEIR PARENTS ARE GETTING
A DIVORCE. No two divorces are exactly
the same because the reasons people get divorced are so different. There
are lots of different reasons. One thing that is for sure,
though, is that kids are never the reasons that parents get divorced. It
wasn’t something you did or didn’t do. But just like you
didn’t do anything to cause the divorce, you can’t do anything to get your
parents back together, either. Sometimes parents work
things out and get back together, but most of the time this doesn’t happen.
Trying to act extra good or extra bad to get your parents
back together is not going to work.
Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to and some times are worse
than others. Your parents may start dating again and
meeting new people. They may even get remarried, which means that you may
have a stepmom or stepdad or even stepbrothers and
stepsisters. This can be really tough for you, but if you learn how to
ask for help when you need it and try to accept or maybe even
like the things that you cannot change, you could have two loving families
instead of one.
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